so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
