if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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