Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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