I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I feel like abortions should bother me more
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just high enough for therapy.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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