I wish my penis had an off switch
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
