I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
