My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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