Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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