How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
