So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
