Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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