I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
