I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
