also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
