Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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