i may or may not be watching the land before time
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
my liver is dry heaving
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
