wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
