So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
