I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
im holly from the hills drunk
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
