Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
third nipple confirmed
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
