I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
