Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
