On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
