Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
