That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
