When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
