the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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