your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
