look no pants
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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