I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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