He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
