i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
