imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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