I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Sober January is a disaster.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Randomize
