we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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