I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
