Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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