Your face is a jimmy john
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
