I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
