For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
