I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize