Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
