Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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