By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize