how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
