Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
