i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I will pee on everything he values.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
