First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
