Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
