Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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