Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize