His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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