I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i wish my penis had a tongue
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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