I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
