dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
