So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
