The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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