I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
