Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
