Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
