who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
