If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
