sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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