Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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