hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
