ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
