Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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