do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
