i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
