If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
