I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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