I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
