if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
These tits shall not be calmed
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
