is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
