hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
