All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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