Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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