A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize