The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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