btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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