My brain says no but my pants say off.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
