Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
