4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
are you still at the devil's house?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize