PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
