i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
