i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
