new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I want a musical about memes.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
