There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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