y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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