I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Congratulations! We have a period
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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