Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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