I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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