i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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