two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I don't deserve a penis
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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