Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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