and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
