Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
