It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Come see our sink grown plant.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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