Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize