Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
