but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
