I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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