their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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