Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
