he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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