Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
