I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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