no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
