Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
