What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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