just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
