Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
