How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Randomize
